Addison and Emery were 17 months old when I accepted the position of a traveling nun. Ok, so maybe not a nun exactly – though the seclusion and lack of sex life feels like it could be comparable at times. The idea of starting a new position after being with my company for almost 10 years was exciting and I found my inner ambition all over again. The interview process took a grueling 9 weeks which means I should have had plenty of time to prepare my husband for the obvious – he was about to become Mr. Mom approximately three days a week. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? I mean the girls went to daycare five days a week plus they are only awake one hour before and an hour an a half after. We are talking seven and a half hours of awake time for crying out loud, how bad could it be?
I had been in the new role for seven weeks when I got the call where Dave started with “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Wait, hold the phone, do “what” exactly?! I was sitting in an parking garage at an Embassy Suites in Houston, it was 9:30pm and I hadn’t even checked in yet. It was only my sixth week of travel and I was going to be home after two nights. “Addison stayed up from midnight to three am. We need to figure something out.” I agreed that night to look into nanny services.
Have you ever looked for a nanny? It’s basically a full time job. Hours pouring over resumes and profiles on care.com only to see the majority of the candidates didn’t fit our needs. What exactly would a job description for what we needed look like?
Must be able to work 45 hours a week, early mornings and evenings plus at least one weekend day. Ability to lift and carry two toddlers weighing approximately 30lbs each at all times. Short order cook experience a plus. Calm and collected demeanor even when aforementioned toddlers cry for no reason, throw food (or poop) at you, hit each other, hit you, or do the exact opposite of what you asked them. Light laundry, cooking and cleaning. Must be able to walk, crawl, stoop, squat. Noise environment is generally loud.
I wasn’t finding anything that met our needs. So I reached out to Facebook to get recommendations on a live in nanny or au pair. Within a few days one organization kept coming up – Cultural Care so I read all of the fine print and I researched (read: googled) au pairs, J1 visa, programs and then signed up for an account. I mean, it felt perfect – a customizable program to fit our needs with few restrictions.
In our program the major restrictions/rules are: 1) Cannnot work au pair more than 45 hours a week. 2) Au Pair must have 1.5 days (36 hours) off consecutively per week. 3) Au Pair has 1 weekend per month off (Friday night – Monday morning) 4) Au Pair receives 2 weeks vacation per year. 5) Au Pair lives with the host family and has their own room, with a door. 6) Au Pair is to be paid weekly (approx $200 for our program). 7) Food and living expenses are paid by host family.
Once I felt like I understood the rules I started looking for Au Pairs on Cultural Care’s site – this was a bit like match.com. The process is fairly simple – you complete a profile about your family and the needs you have and then you place “available” Au Pairs on hold. They review your profile to see if it matches their needs and if it does then you connect – typically via email first to communicate more.
It took me 4 weeks and 14 attempts at contacting candidates before I came across Sabrina’s profile. My main problem before Sabrina was that the candidates shyed away from being left alone during the week with Dave, my husband. (Side note: I find this to be comical as he is quiet, keeps to himself and isn’t exactly a deal closer if you catch my drift) She was 24, from São Paulo, Brazil, had two brothers and her interest where architecture, photography and the outdoors. She had some experience watching kids and had even been a teacher and mentor. Soon we connected via email. We started slow at first asking common questions about values and the types of environments we were raised in. Then we moved on to what we were both hoping to gain from the experience and discussed the girls’ personalities. After a few weeks of emails – at least 2-3 per week – we started to Skype. Sometimes we Skype with the girls so they could hear her voice and she could see them but also with Dave so she wouldn’t be intimidated or nervous by him. Skyping was by far the best way to determine her English level (perfect 10, sometimes her grammar is better than mine!), her temperament and demeanor (soft spoken, calm, peaceful, happy, silly) and really feel the engagement level she had for the program and the experience. We talked about everything we could think of from whether or not she would have access to a car, to meals and foods we both enjoyed, traditions, and even boys. It was almost like having a new friend or pen pal that I was going to invite to live in my home. Further, it was an opportunity to get to know the woman that potentially would be spending more time with my kids than I would be able to (mom-guilt post coming soon).
Sabrina joined our family on April 1, 2016 (Picture was taken the morning after her first day – the girls instantly connected.) The first couple weeks were a little distant as we were all getting used to the new normal. Plus Sabrina had to get over her timidness about opening the fridge. (Sidenote: In Brazil its rude to open someone’s fridge if you don’t have permission and even then it’s iffy.) But slowly we all started to mesh and find our routine. Sabrina has basically had the same schedule since her second week with mild variations around holidays. She keeps the girls full days on Tuesday and Thursday and also works most Saturdays. Monday, Wednesday and Friday she assists most mornings and evenings depending on her weekend schedule. She has spent countless hours researching ideas and crafts to keep the girls busy, she reads to them, plays games with them, teaches them songs, colors, and numbers in Portuguese. She nourishes and comforts them, helps them to understand their emotions and communicate. Sabrina encourages them to be individuals and in return, the love her. She is the only big sister they may ever know.
And I am forever grateful. Obrigado por ser uma parte da nossa família. Sua amizade e amor sempre serão lembrados mesmo depois de você sair. Você sempre terá um lugar em nossos corações e nossa casa. May you always know how blessed we are because of you.
