I recognize you from a mile away. I can see you reading all the signs before you even get up to the airport door, fumbling around, blocking the entrance. I see you, hesitating to check your bag wondering which counter to go to. I am so glad that I paid the extra fee to get Pre Check and I cringe, sometimes viscerally, when it’s closed. I watch you take 11 bins and unpack half your suitcase, which will inevitably contain 1 large (full) tube of toothpaste. I will wait patiently behind you, smiling, reminding you that you have to take out liquids and remove your shoes. It’s not that I have a secret wish to be a TSA agent, I really just want coffee before my flight and more than likely I got here with only about 15 min to spare because I assumed Pre Check would be open.
I watch you ask for directions to your gate even if there are 3 signs and 2 sets of monitors. I listen to you talk to the agent about whether or not you have a seat. (On Southwest flights, this part is the best) I wait when the gate attendant talks about preboarding to watch how quickly you line up even though you are probably in zone 8 and won’t board for 40 more minutes. (Again on Southwest, I have seen so many people confused by the cattle call that is the boarding process – how difficult is it to understand A comes first, then B and last C – which stands for Center, no you can’t make people move, if you wanted an aisle or window you should have paid the $40 for early bird (ok, $15) or business select) I listen as you try to convince that same agent that your purse doesn’t count as an extra carry on, even though here have been about 262 announcements that prepare you.
As you board the plane I watch you attempt to shove suitcases that obviously will not fit into the overhead compartment and then watch you leave it there for the flight attendant to handle. I see you fumbling around trying to figure out where to sit or where your seat is. I watch you ignore the safety information (or intently read the section around water evacuation when we are flying from Nebraska to Chicago). I watch you as the plane begins to take off and hits air pockets on the way up, breathing deep but still managing to take pictures out the window. I hear you ask for a sparkling water and get frustrated if it isn’t your brand. I see you. I watch you stand at the front of the plane waiting to use the tiniest bathroom ever when, if you had just paid attention to the safety commentary you would know you can’t congregate up front.
I love how you ignore the fact that I have earbuds in, am reading, watching a movie or working. You still ask me 30 questions about where I’m from or where I’m going. You don’t hesitate to tell me your whole life story. I listen to you complain about the cabin temperature. Usually, being too cold – a way to keep nausea down. Trust me, this is a benefit for all of us! You sometimes tell the flight attendants they need to get the speaker system fixed or turned up bc you couldn’t hear the captain’s announcements. They don’t mock you or tell you it’s because your ears haven’t popped and you won’t be able to hear for another 45 min after you land.
When we land you jump up and try to get in the aisle ahead of at least 3 rows. Didn’t anyone tell you it’s proper etiquette to wait until your row is next – unless of course the flight attendants make special arrangements because you have a tight connection and, well, that’s good customer service.
I see you non traveler. I’m sure I made some of the same mistakes as you once. All I ask is that you don’t cause a scene, don’t jeopardize my flight leaving on time and please get out of my way on the jet bridge when my bag arrives so I can get home.