I have always loved Christmas. As a child I was in awe of the lights and festivities. I can vividly remember being so anxious on Christmas Eve I would have to will myself asleep. Many times I had tried to snoop with little luck and even late into my teen years I would find myself in awe as I walked into the living room to see what Santa had left. First emptying a stuffed stocking (now knowing the contents probably easily cost $150) and then devouring through wrapped gifts. The entire undertaking many times took under 15 minutes. How many hours of shopping and wrapping did my parents go through in order for me to have 15 minutes of elation?!
As I got older I found less joy in opening a multitude of presents and more in searching for the perfect gift. An opportunity to say “see how much I care about you, I got you this awesome “fill in the blank.” And for several years through my 20s I was on the lookout all year for the best, knock your socks off, thoughtful gift or experience I could find. And it worked – the surprise or excitement in the faces of my family and friends made me feel whole. But then it took a turn, finding one perfect gift wasn’t enough – I HAD to outdo myself the following year. (Yes, I know you weren’t keeping score, it was all me) … and the year after that. It became a heartache because I wasn’t finding the unique items I wanted and yet, was spending exponentially more than I had in years. My gift list started growing too. I was unable to keep up with, what I believed to be, the expectation. And I had somewhat forgotten what really made Christmas special to begin with.
Last year I bought presents for over 70 people. That’s right. 7-0. Family (our family seems to grow all the time), friends, coworkers, & teachers, mail(wo)man, etc. It was the first year that I really had to standardize gifts for groups of people. I found it to be right down depressing. Long gone was the Magic I felt in buying gifts – in fact many of my purchases I didn’t even get to see being opened due to long distance or being apart on the holidays.
So as I started to shop this year for my growing list of recipients I was a little down. But then I remembered that one big thing has changed this year. My girls are old enough that they are starting to understand the joy and magic of Christmas. They were elated when I brought out the tree and excited to help put up the decorations. The ornaments each had a story that was shared as it was gently hung on the tree (who cares if there were 3 others on that branch.) Even if Emery does try to steal one of my decorative trees because she thinks it looks like a “witch hat,” this is the most magical time of year.
Next year we will be in a new house, starting new traditions so this Christmas has to be significant and memorable, for them. They haven’t asked for much (an Airel and Maleficent costume) but I can’t wait to see the expression on Christmas morning when they round the corner and see the neat surprises that Santa has left. I know my heart will be full.