Keeping your cool with a strong willed child.

When I first found out I was pregnant with twins I believed they would be similar. Even though I have multiple sets of twins in my family who are really not that alike. From a very early age we realized that A & E were going to have their own, very distinct, personalities.

Em is a traditional rule follower. Aiming to please everyone around her. I would say currently she is a cross between and expressive and amiable – trying to diffuse situations but still wanting to be an influencer. She is also a bit of a drama queen – already wanting to pick out all of her own outfits, loves makeup & fingernail polish and it isn’t odd for a request to curl her hair. At times she does struggle with listening but mainly when it is time to get out of the bathtub or to not eat an entire handful of m&ms at one time.

Addison, on the other hand, is independent and consistently pushing the boundaries to see what she can get away with. Her defiance drives me crazy specifically when she ignores me or is adamant about not following direction. I’ve tried the rules of positive parenting, spend quality time with just her, set boundaries but allow her the freedom to make choices and still when she doesn’t listen – which is often it sends me into a very foul mood. I know that these skills will likely benefit her in the long run and maybe even push her to be the best but in the meantime my mom skills are struggling. I want to be in control and she can so clearly see when I’m not. She chooses that time to turn down her listening ears. I know that the brink of 4 is an age where she is probably starting to believe that she knows more than I do. I can tell already her teen years will be a blast. She loves to play rough, horse around, climb, and run – her energy is contagious until it’s time for any given activity to end or pause.

I am trying to think about the way I react to her shenanigans and determine if it would be acceptable with employees. Probably sounds a bit odd but if I raised my voice or taped the hand of a coworker or subordinate that would be a potential problem. I also try to think about how I would feel if my husband used the same tactics on me when I’m not paying attention or have selective listening. I want to encourage both of my girls to have their own minds, make their own choices and protect themselves in the process but not at my expense. At this time in their lives I need them to open their ears and follow directions… at least half the time anyway.

Out Of the Mouth of Babes

Discussing the differences between boys and girls has been a major topic lately. I blamed my husband for kicking the girls out of the bathroom while he is showering. He disagreed, until this weekend. 

You see, our house has 4 females and just 1 lonely male. So we talk a lot about girl power, girls ruling the world, running and fighting like a girl. So it came no surprise to me when Addison started identifying everyone by their gender first. Telling me whether someone was a boy or girl before engaging them in any way.  I found it endearing and gave me me the opportunity to talk about other differences between boys and girls. I wasn’t sure any of it had sunk in.  

The following exchange took place Saturday morning between Addison and Dave (disclosure: we try to use proper names for genitalia but really “hoohah” is way more fun than “vagina”…)

Context: Addison is potty training and still using pull-ups – she races to the bathroom and throws off her pull-up to pee. Dave arrives in time to assist with the flushing process and then picks up a bare bun Addison taking her to get cleaned up in her room. As he carries her out of the bathroom…

 “Daddy, I’ve got a hiney,” Addison exclaimed as she caught a glimpse of her bare buns in the mirror. 

 “Yes, Addison, everyone has a hiney,” Dave replies. 

“And I’ve got a hooha.” Addison stated “Daddy, your hooha has a tail.” 

She is learning. And nothing gets past her. Specifically the differences between boys and girls. We are in trouble. Ok, maybe not yet but in 13 years we will be in trouble…


(Photo Credit: In The Moment Photography)